Yes, I watched the Hunger Games last week but I’ve been using that phrase to describe myself before that and I never read of the books. I am twelve days sober now and feeling great. It took a good week to shake the post Mexico blues and a couple of reunions with my Mayan Tribe didn’t hurt! I haven’t really missed it too badly. I mean, it feels a bit awkward trying to figure out what to put in my hands while everyone else is drinking but I am keeping the fridge stocked with kambucha, kevita, club soda, tonic water and, yes, DIET COKE!
I have been reading this really cool book called Women God and Food. It says that even people who claim they don’t believe in God have beliefs about God and those are largely based on our relationship to our mother. Hmm…
That reminds me, why do we feel that our mothers need to be sheltered from the truth? Why can’t my mom know how much pain she caused me by telling me that my dad didn’t love me? Why doesn’t anyone tell my mother in law to just shut the fuck up FOR GOOD?
I had such an amazing experience with the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) in Mexico and was really able to hone in on that I have always felt like I needed to protect my mom from my need for my dad’s love or my own love for him. In my session, I was able to convince her that it was OK for me to love him and that it didn’t mean that I loved her any less. And, most importantly, I needed to know that my dad LOVED ME. Up until the time I told her to stop, she used to always tell me some version of, “If you dad really loved you, he would do XXX.” What the fuck? I sure hope and pray that I can learn from this nonsense and avoid at least making the same mistakes with my boys. And, hopefully, I won’t just make all new ones. Speaking of, I am definitely already feeling like a better mom since I quite drinking. I am more present and patient with the baby – who turns two today! I am feeling strong and badass but calm and present. OK, I’ve spent about $800 shopping at Sundance but it’s better than booze! Besides, look how cute these shoes are!