Here we go. Time to try to catch everyone up on what all has been happening in my life over the last six weeks or so. Let’s see…I’ve decided that I can’t keep working in the electric industry. Well, not can’t, but don’t want to keep doing it. I know this may seem crazy to many of you because of the great paycheck and the crazy amount of flexibility that I have but I just feel like I am starving. Suffocating. Living a lie. I don’t care about subsynchronous resonance! I mean, my macbook doesn’t even consider that to be a real word! I love the people I work with – they are all great folks who are passionate about such things and I feel as though I am doing a disservice to both of us by continuing to fake my way through my job just to keep from disappointing them and to keep drawing a paycheck. Writing that just now reminded of the moment when I knew I had to end my second marriage. I was watching the Kathy Griffith show (My Life on the B-List – this was several years ago) and she asked her father what it took to stay married for many years. He replied, “the guy has to think the girl is the most amazing girl in the world and the girl has to think the guy is the most amazing guy in the world.” I knew in that moment that I DID NOT feel that way about my then husband and I never had and that was not fair to either one of us. We both deserved that to be the true. So, it took me little while but I ended that marriage and know without a doubt it was the right thing to do. (I am now married to the MOST AMAZING man in the world and have never been happier.) But back to work – staying in this job just to draw a paycheck feels wrong to me. I am working on being happy on the inside and not relying on external sources for joy but this feels so fundamental that I’m not sure that I can get around it. But I am willing to try. But as I write, staying in the job just for the money seems selfish. Is that what most people do? I guess it is. But how many of those folks are truly happy? Living their dreams? I guess I think that fundamentally money alone can’t ever be enough. At least not for me.
