I just want to take a moment this week and talk about WHY I am doing what I am doing. I want to explain the reasoning behind my somehow becoming the poster child for talking about sex addiction. Or, at least, a spokeswoman for partners of sex addicts.
I know that I have explained several times that I knew soon after discovering that my ex-husband was a sex addict that I would ultimately shift my coaching business to working with partners. That is 100% true.
I can remember reading Meditations from Conversations with God by Neal Donald Walsh on May 29, 2015:
“Every one of My messengers has been defiled. Far from gaining glory, they have gained nothing but heartache. Are you willing? Does your heart ache to tell the truth about me?”
Immediately reading those words, I felt in my heart, “YES.” I said yes. So, I am truth teller – among other things.
So, as my marriage to my ex-husband ended, and as I started trying to figure out what I was going to do with my coaching business and how much of my story I was willing to share, I also had to measure that up against how doing so would impact my ex and, more importantly, my boys.
My sweet boys whose lives had also been uprooted by all this trauma and watched their mother swim in the deep end of despair for so many months. I tried to walk the fine line between not pretending that everything was okay and making sure they felt safe.
Even so, I know they worried about me.
Thankfully, the Universe saw fit to give us all some time and space between those dark days and today when I am fully ready open wide the “doors” of my coaching business. But still, the decision to actually start writing about and speaking to partners of sex addicts was coupled with finally saying out loud and in print that I am an ex-partner of a sex addict.
After months (years) of wrestling with that decision, I ultimately chose to do so because the only way that I don’t have to worry about my kids being ashamed to be associated with sex addiction is to create a world we are not shamed to talk about. And to do that, we have to start talking about it. We have to truly bring it “out of the shadows,” as Patrick Carnes’ book says.
So, here I am. Jenni Rochelle, life coach, spiritual director and advocate for partners of sex addicts. I am an ex-partner of a sex addict and that experience was the worst thing that ever happened to me. And I’m not saying that I would 100% go through all of that again given the choice, but I also cannot imagine not being the woman I am today. I do not believe that everything happens for a reason. But I do believe that we can take any experience and transform it into hope, healing and wholeness.
And I’m here to tell the truth about that. Are you with me?
P.S. If you’re not and you don’t want to keep reading about sex addiction and betrayal trauma, then it’s totally okay to hit that unsubscribe button. You won’t hurt my feelings. I get that this is a pretty big swing from when I started this business in 2014 talking about how to quit your corporate job and find your true calling. But if you or someone you know had been impacted by sex addiction or betrayal, I do hope you’ll stick around.