For the woman healing from betrayal trauma who’s ready to reclaim and rediscover herself – this is for you!
- Are you tired of over functioning to save your marriage and feel like your whole life is about his recovery?
- Whether you’ve chosen to end your relationship or stay in it, do you still struggle to know if you made the right decision?
- Deep down, do you worry that you’ll never be able trust yourself again? Are you afraid of making the same mistakes all over again?
Beauty After Betrayal™ is my six-month private coaching program for women healing from betrayal trauma and ready to feel alive, inspired and hopeful again. I have taken all my education and training as a life coach, a spiritual director and a yoga teacher and paired it with my own devastating experience and comeback story as a partner of a sex addict to create this six-month journey of reclamation and rediscovery.
I don’t know if you knew this, but many actors will buy a script they love but wait until they are a certain age to play the role? Because they know that until then, they just aren’t ready to pull it off? That’s what Beauty After Betrayal™ is for me. This six-month coaching program is the epic role I was born to play, and let me tell you – I AM READY. If you are ready, too, and are serious about making the commitment to becoming the love of your life, then, by all means, read on!
“I found out that my husband of twelve years was having an affair and throughout the next months of trauma, indecision, and ultimately divorce, Jenni was the one person I could count on. She was there when I needed someone who understands the trauma a situation like this causes. She was there when I was lonely, sad, mad, terrorized, and questioning. She made me laugh, helped me understand this (shitty) process, and reminded me that I was strong even when I felt like everything was crumbling. The best part about Jenni? She listens without judgment. I can say whatever needs to be said and trust that she will be there again the next time I need someone to be present in a conversation. What a gift.”
~ Amy M
At this point in your journey, you have (mostly) come to terms with your past.
Now you get to create your new future.
I know that you have mourned (greatly) the self that was destroyed by his sex addiction.
Now you get to develop a new self.
Your relationships have been tested and forever changed by his betrayal.
Now you get to build new relationships.
The old beliefs that gave meaning to your life have been challenged.
Now you get to decide what new beliefs you will carry with you.
I make up that right now you are likely in one of two camps. You have either decided to stay in your marriage (for now). Still, you are ready to take all that time and energy you’ve been spending on your marriage and his recovery and, instead, focus all of that time and energy and attention on you.
Or perhaps you are in the process of separation or divorce. Still, even though you know it’s over, you have lingering fears about your ability to stay the course or whether choosing to end the marriage means that you are, in essence, choosing to spend the rest of your life alone. (I can put that fear to bed right now. You are not. There is always more love for you.)
Regardless of which of these camps you are in, right, you know that the most important thing you can do is focus on yourself. Because you know that you want and deserve more than you are getting right now…
You want to feel happy again.
You want to feel joy again.
You want to feel loved, cared and cherished.
You want to have a great sex life.
You want to feel sexy, alive, desired, and adored.
You want to feel at peace and know that you can trust yourself.
Am I right?
Here’s the thing…the path to all of your desires…to have the life you’ve always dreamed of begins with you. Think of this journey as a spiral path that begins within your own heart. Learning to love, understand, and appreciate yourself is paramount to becoming the woman you’ve always wanted to be.
That’s why I am so freaking lit up excited to finally begin offering Beauty After Betrayal™: A Six-Month Journey of Reclaiming and Rediscovering You. Early on in my own betrayal story, I knew that I would someday take the horror of what was happening to me and use it to help other women just like me heal.
Women just like you.
Your Journey Starts Here!
Want to know all the details? Let me break it down month by month…
Month 1: You Will Nurture Somatic Resilience
This first month begins with a 3-hour Activation Session because we really have a lot to pack in.
Boundaries aren’t sexy, but they’re how to get to everything you want in life – even great sex!
Boundaries are how you tell the world you deserve to be treated and how you set the standard for how you want to be loved.
Boundaries show the universe that you will no longer settle for anything less than your heart and soul’s desires.
In our first month together, you’ll devote time to developing a concrete list of boundaries to increase your sense of power, control, and protect yourself from future danger.
Good boundaries are flexible enough to allow for growth while establishing the safety required to thrive in this new era of your life. They allow you to deepen the bonds with those you have come to trust.
Most importantly, boundaries are how you learn to trust yourself again – by showing up on your own behalf instead of constantly making concessions to maintain peace.
Speaking of peace – how often are you still getting triggered these days? Congratulations, you are a normal girl and your nervous system is doing a fantastic job of protecting you.
However, we want to make sure you are in charge, not your triggers. The cold, hard truth about recovery from trauma is that it is never complete.
The effects of having been traumatized will continue to show up periodically throughout the rest of your life.
I wish this weren’t the truth but it is. The good news is our goal is not to rid your life of everything that scares you because that would be a very boring life!
Our aim is to equip you with the tools that will increase your somatic resiliency and ability to tolerate fear and – eventually – see it as a source of information and inspiration.
Remember all those boundaries we created? They’re only as good as your ability to tolerate the discomfort of adhering to necessary consequences.
That’s why we will also spend a lot of time this month diving into that sweet spot where neuroscience, polyvagal theory, and spirituality come together so that you become a master at soothing your own nervous system.
You must come to think of this as your new, part-time job. Together we will create a sweet, daily (yes, daily) practice that is tailored for your needs, and that will set you up for success all day.
Month 2: You Will Uncover Your "Essensual" Self
Over the course of a lifetime, our true selves get slowly eroded away or covered up by societal expectations, inherited religious beliefs and the demands of our careers and our families.
One of the reasons why you may have struggled so to find certainty over whether to leave or stay married is because you have been in conflict with yourself and the beliefs and values that are dear to you.
As a woman, you have been told so many times what to believe to be true about everything from what makes a family to what success looks like to what it means to be a beautiful, desirable woman.
The experience of betrayal trauma can rob you of the certainty you once held about what you believed to be true.
This kind of existential crisis has left you doubting who you are and what you believe in.
The gift of this experience is that you now get to take the time to decide for yourself what you believe in and what your most important values are.
You get to do the exciting and exploratory work of rediscovering what’s “essensual” to you. Yes, I totally made up that word to capture the idea that your sensuality and your sexuality have likely been shaped by values and beliefs that no longer serve you.
You may be surprised to learn how much of your life has been driven by things you don’t really care about!
Month 3: You Will Unpack Your Relational Pattern
At some point, you’ve probably been told that you are codependent or maybe even a love addict.
Sigh. I really hate those labels. They’ve largely been used by the patriarchy to pathologize women.
Most likely, there is a clear and identifiable pattern to how you have been showing up in all your relationships beginning with your primary caregivers.
We will spend our third month looking at your relationship history. We will identify that pattern, understand why you started doing it in the first place (hint: childhood trauma), and clearly identify how you can begin to make different choices.
That was not your fault. However, looking backward and identifying the specific, self-defeating behaviors you need to change will allow you to create the life (and relationship) you desire and deserve.
Month 4: You Will Reconnect With Play & Pleasure
More than anything else, peace is our goal. Peace with your decisions regarding your marriage, peace with who you are and where you are in life.
Right now, you might feel like these different parts are at war with one another.
As you chart your past relationships’ history, you will likely be drawn to key memories from childhood. I’ve seen this happen time and time again.
Taking the time to repair your relationship with these younger, more vulnerable versions of you will provide key insights into how you were shaped by your childhood wounds into the woman who fell in love with a sex addict.
In our fourth month together, I will guide you through a process to reconnect with these lost parts of yourself by inviting them to reintegrate into wholeness through play and pleasure!
These younger versions will guide you to the woman you were born to be – if you will listen to them.
Month 5: You Will Claim Your Comeback Story
You were victimized at a point in time, but don’t let yourself get stuck in that moment.
I have been studying and researching trauma and how to recover from it for years.
All the leaders in trauma-informed interventions point towards the importance of two things: embodiment and story.
All that work you’ve done in the prior months has led to your being ready to claim your comeback story.
From a place of safety and security, with a new appreciation for how your family of origin shaped you and guided by all the parts of your newly integrated self, we will begin to craft, write, journal, and express your personal narrative – your comeback story.
All of your newfound awareness will allow you to finally see that your own betrayal trauma story has a finite place in the long, beautiful arc of your life.
Don’t worry if you don’t consider yourself to be a writer. I will be there to guide you every step of the way.
Remember, however, that I listed both embodiment and story. As we create this personal narrative together, you will be relying on all the self-soothing skills that you have totally ninja-level mastered to stay embodied and grounded while doing this work.
This process…the one-two punch of embodiment and story will help you heal your brain and your heart. Also, it will help you leave your past in the past.
Month 6: You Will Vision a New, Beautiful You
Now that you have done all the amazing work in months 1-4 and claimed your comeback story in month 5 – the sky is literally the limit!
Our last month will be spent releasing any remaining limiting beliefs about who you are and what you deserve.
During this month, we turn our focus to future relationships you desire to create.
Whether you are staying with your current love or looking (someday) for a new one, let’s spend this month together getting crystal clear about how you want to feel, show up, be seen and known in this “new” relationship.
This is the juicy stuff. Yes, if you desire, we will talk about sex and pleasure and, most likely, provide you with sex re-education so that you can know and trust healthy sexuality when you experience it.
This month will close with a 3-hour celebration session where we wrap up any loose ends and acknowledge and affirm just how far you’ve come.
Plus These Bonuses!
In addition, here are the bonuses you’ll receive…
Bonus #1: Enneagram Assessment
The Enneagram is a spiritual tool that allows you to gain insight into the age-old question… “Why do I do the things I do?” I have spent the better part of three decades as a seeker, a student of personal growth, and the Enneagram has by far brought me the most self-awareness (and self-compassion) of all the tools I have studied.
That’s why you will kick-off your six-month journey by taking the RHETI, which is my favorite Enneagram Assessment and my free gift to you as part of your Beauty After Betrayal program.
We will use the wisdom provided by knowing your own number to guide you through our entire six months together and far beyond.
Bonus #2: Women in the Desert Survival Kit
My team and I have put together a beautiful treasure box full of sensory goodies to support your daily self-regulation practices. You will receive this luxe gift box full of essential oils, crystals, palo santo, herbal tea, and more. If you are a past client and have already received one of these beauties, don’t worry – my team and I will be customizing the boxes for this new season in your life. In other words, all new goodies!
Bonus #3: Share Your Story on the Beauty After Betrayal™ Podcast
Okay, you may very well be thinking that this is more of a punishment than a feature but who knows how you will feel after six months of reclamation and rediscovery? I will also freely admit that this will benefit me as much as you because I will want to share your inspiring comeback story with my podcast listeners. Sharing your story in a way that it can be appropriately honored and appreciated for its unique Beauty will help you heal. I promise.
“Jenni is present, trustworthy, loving and empowered. She is one of my most trusted people. I know that sex addiction is still a relatively taboo subject…if you are experiencing this in your life, I encourage you to reach out to her for validation and support.”
Let me guess, right now you are thinking…
“I just can’t afford it right now. We’re still paying for so much therapy!”
I get this. I truly do, and I am not one of those who push you to take a loan or just run up your credit card balance. I’ve totally been where you are! Time and time again, I leaned into the discomfort of making a big financial investment (in me), and even when I did put it on a credit card. I wasn’t sure how the finances would work. Here’s the thing – they always did, and I don’t regret a dime or the time I’ve spent investing me.
“You’ve told me what I’m going to get, but how am I going to feel?”
Well, I suppose that answer depends on how you want to feel, but, sweet sister, this program is specifically created to let you feel like YOU, again. Only better. If you do this work, you will feel joy again. You will feel safe. You will feel healed. You will feel whole. You will be excited about this new chapter in your life story. You will feel seen, supported, witnessed, and loved. You will experience a new level of self-awareness, acceptance, and compassion. You will experience hope for the future – your future! You will find a new level of clarity, fulfillment, authenticity, and pleasure – what?!
“Does it have to be six months?”
Quite simply, six months is the minimum amount of time to do this kind of deep, healing work. Also, in the feminine wisdom tradition, six months (or moons) is equated to the “Great Work,” which I believe is the work that each woman must do to become her authentic, fully-expressed self. The investment of your time, energy, and money into the six-month Beauty After Betrayal program embodies your commitment to yourself and to becoming the Woman you have always wanted to be.
“I just don’t have the time right now.”
Here’s the brutal truth I learned from one of my many coaches: it’s never really about time or money. We can always find both time and money for what we really want to do. So, at this moment, is that what you really want to do? If so, then how can you make it happen? Also, consider, what’s the trade-off for not doing this work right now? What’s the cost of slowly settling for the same marriage that you had before? What’s the cost of moving onto your next relationship without healing yourself first?
Here’s what I am bringing to the table…
- Yoga Therapist
- Certified Life Coach from multiple disciplines
- Trained by the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS)
- I will graduate in the spring of 2021 with a Masters in Spiritual Formation from the Episcopal Seminary of the Southwest
- Poet, a mom, a wife, and a mystic
Most importantly I am an ex-partner of a sex addict. My first D-Day (aka discovery) was in November 2012. It was a doozy. There were police involved. But you know what? I didn’t even think about leaving. Not for a second. I knew he was a sex addict, but I had no idea what that meant. I had no idea how or who to even ask for help – and I had already been in therapy for years!
I spent the next two and a half years fumbling around in the dark and in denial about how sick my ex-husband was. In the spring of 2015, I had another D-Day, and, at this point, I was ready to face the reality of what was happening in my marriage. However, I still felt desperate trying to find someone, anyone who could help me! I just wanted someone to tell me whether or not I should stay. I wanted someone to tell me whether or not my kids were safe.
In December of 2015, we finally had a formal therapeutic disclosure that lasted for two hours. In January 2016, I filed for divorce that took a year to become final. Those two years were the darkest years of my life.
And they were the rich, fertile soil for learning how to become the love of my own life. During those months, I learned the power of waking up every morning and choosing to be committed to me. I had spent years being committed to my marriage and my kids. Still, the true transformation came in those dark moments when I wanted to go back (and tried to several times) but slowly learned how to do the deep, inner work that set me free from my past and set me up to become the Woman I am today.
Everything in the Beauty After Betrayal™ program is based on my work in those incredible years of my life. I can tell you with a wholehearted assurance that I would not trade the me I am today for anything. I wouldn’t change a single thing. My experience, strength, and hope are what I bring to the table, along with my commitment to holding that the same transformation is available for you.
I know I’m making some big claims here, but I believe in the power of the tools that I’ve carefully curated (and created) for Beauty After Betrayal™. Of course, most importantly, I believe in you. So, all that’s left for you to consider now is…
Are you ready to become the love of your life?
“Jenni has this really quirky, spiritual, creative presence, and she’s so empathetic. She can feel what you’re feeling, even in the virtual meetings, which at first I thought, ‘Oh my gosh, we have to do this virtually. Is this really going to help me? I need an actual person I need somebody who can give me a hug.’ But Jenni’s presence is like a virtual hug, seriously!”