Today is my and Jeff’s third wedding anniversary! I am incredulous that it has, in fact, only been three years. At the risk of sounding so very cliche, I do feel like we have loved each other over our whole lifetimes.
The cosmic thing is that there were so many cosmic things about us finally finding each other.
1) We graduated from the same college on the same day. We lived in the same small college town. We drank beer at the same bars. We even attended the same concerts and music festivals. Yet, we never met.
2) After graduation, we both ended up in downtown Dallas less than two miles apart. We ate lunch at the same restaurants. We hung out in the same club scene in Dallas. Yet, we never met.
3) I have a son, Ian, who is two months younger than his son, Cian.
4) We were both raised by single moms, and with our maternal grandmothers being huge parts of our lives. My mom’s name is Neda Diane. His mom’s name is Dian.
There are many other things that I have forgotten, I’m sure. How I wish I had written down all the evidence from that time that we were supposed to find each other. If I wanted to – and sometimes I do – I could get caught up in the lamentation of:
“Why didn’t we find each other sooner?”
“Why couldn’t have met way back in Denton in 1995?”
“Why couldn’t we both have avoided the pain, frustration, and heartbreak of our previous marriages?”
In my heart, I know the truth though. We weren’t ready. At least, I wasn’t. I had so much growing up to do. My soul had so much more work to do. I have no doubt that had we met way back then I would have wrecked it. I hate to say it but it’s true.
My 24-year-old self had so, so much living, loving, hurting, and healing ahead of her. So that I could be ready for this incredible next season of living, loving, hurting, and healing that I now get to do with Jeff.
Most critically, I had to learn how to become the love of my own life…first.
Which is what I so want for you, beloved. Our relationships, our lovers – they are but the opportunity for healing, for growth and for resurrection.
The whole point of my healing journey was not that I eventually found the love and relationship that my heart had always desired and my soul craved.
The point is that I never gave up on me.
Whether you fall into the camp of knowing you want more love or are giving up on love altogether, just promise me that you’ll never give up on you.