I am an Intimacy Coach, and I fully understand that it takes practice to create conscious intimate connections with ourselves and others.
So this week, I’m going to talk to you about creating space. Yes, that’s right – intimacy requires room. Maybe that sounds counterintuitive when you think of intimacy, but hear me out…
#1: Intimacy requires room for YOU.
You’re allowed to have a private self – private thoughts and private feelings. You don’t have to share every single thing about yourself with your person all the time.
By the way, I realize that this can be really tricky for those of us who have been betrayed and lied to in a previous relationship, and where transparency is one of our deepest core values.
But that’s not the same as having to tell your whole story and everything that ever happened to you to a person that you just started dating. You get to take your time.
And even after you’re in a relationship, you still get to have room for you – your thoughts, your feelings… space for you. A healthy relationship still allows room for your private self.
Now, I’m not talking about keeping secrets from your beloved that would hurt them if they found out – there’s definitely a difference.
But you get to have room for you.
#2: Intimacy requires room when there’s conflict.
You especially need to make room in your relationship when you fight, when you’re triggered, when you’re upset, or when your emotions are running super high.
You need to take a break. You need some space and time to let your prefrontal cortex – the thing that makes us rational human beings – come back online. Let your body metabolize the adrenaline and cortisol that’s been rushing through your veins.
You need room to ground and calm so you can come back together for the health of your relationship, and so that you are able to create everyday intimacy with your partner.
#3: Intimacy requires room to have a life outside of your relationship.
You are allowed to have a life outside of your relationship with your person. In fact, you NEED to!
It is unrealistic and unfair to expect one person to meet all of our emotional needs. Especially for women – we need deep connections with other women. And guess what? Your partner needs other friends too. This is a sign of a healthy relationship.
We can’t be everything to each other. You are a whole person who requires nourishment in a variety of ways.
So give your relationship with your beloved a little breathing room and schedule a ladies night (or weekend) with your besties.
Don’t miss my FREE Masterclass tonight!
How to Create Everyday Intimacy
Thursday, April 7 at 6 pm CST
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