You are the Rising Beauty

But even saying all that, you know you deserve more, you just need to figure out what that ‘more’ looks like.

Because life never prepared you for the decisions you need to make now, about how you continue. 

Do you stay and work on the relationship? Or do you leave, and face the unknown without your person? 

And this decision just gets harder when you realize that you’re hugely conflicted. 

Because when you do the work to balance the trauma of your betrayal, you uncover a few things you weren’t really expecting.

Like the beliefs that you always held that aren’t really serving you anymore.

And the sneaky triggers that you didn’t realize were already programmed into you by life, society, family, and even your church group. 

Because some churches still tell you divorce is an abomination.

And your Aunt Sharon told you to stand by your man.

But the Feminist Theory courses you might have taken in college told you to love yourself, stand up for what’s right, and kick those lying, cheating jerks to the curb!

So even though you thought you knew what you’d do in this situation, what you know now is that there’s absolutely no way to be certain how you’d react, until you’re standing amongst the ruins of your love and trust – and you suddenly have no clue what to do.

Until you feel the weight of these repercussions, it’s impossible to know.

And this is all a completely normal part of the process of trying to move on after betrayal. 

Add in the fact that as a woman in today’s world, chances are pretty good you’ve been told a time or two that your feelings need to take second place to everyone else’s.

And it can feel impossible to reconcile all of these mixed messages into a clear gameplan to move past the trauma in your relationship. 

The kicker though — is the relationship you have with yourself.

Because, even if it sounds totally counter-intuitive right now… this is the time to put you first.

To remember, reconcile, and reclaim your radiance.

So if you’ve been feeling conflicted, stalled, and unsure what to do next — know this now:

There’s nothing wrong with you

You’re still the same strong, capable, worthy of love goddess you’ve always been.

You just have to figure out where your conflict lies.

Because even though your Brain, Heart and Gut feel like they’re in a major disagreement, and you’re not sure you even know what you think anymore… 

…the way you’re feeling and reacting right now is normal. 

Your reality is true, valid, and worth honoring!

Manipulation uses your intellect against your intuition, and undermines your trust in yourself. But you can learn to love and trust yourself again, believe me (I’ve been through this and I’m here for you). 

Betrayal isn’t always blatant. Trauma isn’t always obvious. 

But healing is ALWAYS possible. 

No joke, this quiz result is so jam-packed with knowledge, resources, and mind expanding insights — based on years of research, my own experience with betrayal trauma, and the community of amazing women I connected with (all experts in their fields) on my own journey through recovering from betrayal trauma to building the beautiful life I have today!

Saying yes to this journey will draw you into the depths of yourself so that you can emerge victorious  — like the heroine in the greatest story ever told. 

(^^that’s your story, love ?). 

You’re the firebird, and you will soon Rise. 

As someone who has been through betrayal trauma myself and coached dozens of women to do the same —  I have got your back.

A life that you love (more than you may even be able to imagine right now) is the gift on the other side of this, sister!

First things first:
You can trust yourself

Even though you’re having a hard time making difficult decisions, and you doubt every move you make…

You check a lot of boxes right now, sister: 

✅ You feel judgement no matter if you decide to stay or go.

✅ You wonder how you could have possibly missed all the red flags. 

✅ You’re worried that your picker is broken, and you’ll never recognize a good man, even if he walks up and sweeps you off your feet.

✅ Your trust is fractured, your life turned upside down, and your belief in yourself is seriously damaged.

✅ You’re having trouble defining and enforcing your boundaries.

But despite your current state of turmoil, don’t worry! I’m going to show you how to move through your trauma to fall in love with your beautiful life again!

Follow me as I take you on a tour of yourself.

Imagine, if you will, your Google Earth app. Open it up to find a zoomed out view of the planet. 

Drop the pin and the view rapidly shrinks, from continent, to county, to state, to city, to neighborhood – until eventually you’re staring at your own backyard and can see your car in the driveway. 

Now imagine you can zoom in even further. 

You see yourself sitting in your home, surrounded by your patterns – the systems that inform who you are and what’s important to you. 

Your religious views are on the shelf next to your favorite books. 

Social pressures are jammed into the TV stand.

Your family values peek out at you from your photo albums. 

And your mother’s opinions keep skipping on the record player.

Zoom in even more and we’re inside your body, where your nervous system reigns supreme –  and she’s having a Queen of Hearts moment! Off with their heads!

But you’ve already tamed the Queen and triumphed over the chaos that trauma has thrown your body into.

Now it’s time to check out the contents of your bookshelves. Because before you can know what you want for your future, you first have to unpack the values and beliefs you hold and take a good look at where they came from. 

Let’s set the story straight:
What is Betrayal Trauma?

The symptoms of PTSD and complex trauma are long and depressing, but they can be summed up beautifully in one word – contraction.

When a person or institution you relied upon for safety and security betrays you, that creates a type of trauma.

In the case of relational trauma, when the person who’s been your person has been lying, gaslighting, and emotionally abusing you — all of your relationships become impacted. 

And that trauma gets stored in your body.

It can look like:

• hypervigilance
• over-the-top reactions
• emotional breakdowns when you least expect them 

Because with trauma comes a feeling of no control. 

Your body hijacks your nervous system when you least expect it, and you’re left feeling like your safety harness has come undone on a rollercoaster.

Your gut tightens. Your throat closes. Your fists clench. Even your poor little butthole probably puckers up like a raisin left out in the sun. And everything else gets in on the party. Your lungs push out the air you suddenly desperately need, and it’s a struggle to take more in. Your sweat glands start working overtime to push out your stress. And your brain reacts like it’s been thrown into a pressure cooker. 

All because somebody that you love and trust has violated your most sacred boundaries, and left you holding a mixed bag of emotions and trauma responses that nothing in life has prepared you for. 

And it can get even more confusing if you’ve decided to stay and work through the betrayal, because even though your modern, liberal feminist beliefs told you you’d walk, immediately, if anyone ever hurt you like this — you’re still torn.

The 5 Sneaky Types of Betrayal Trauma

…and how they can really eff with your relationships

The umbrella of Trauma covers a very nuanced set of trickle-down issues that can be insidious in your everyday life. 

The first stage of healing is awareness, so let’s give you some insight to help you recognize these tricky trauma types when they trip you up.

2

Sexual Trauma

The sexual repercussions of being betrayed can be polarizing. 

Some people become almost phobic about it, avoiding sex and personal touch, and can be triggered by the connection and vulnerability that comes with physical intimacy. 

Others become hypersexual, hunting through Tinder and Bumble, trying to regain confidence and work through the negative energy stored in their bodies with some good old fashioned horizontal cardio.

It’s completely normal for you to develop self-confidence issues as you compare yourself to women in porn – or the woman they cheated with – and find imagined inadequacies to layer over the self-doubt that came fast on the heels of the initial betrayal. 

You can even be caught completely off guard, trying to enjoy some sexy time with someone new, or rekindle the spark with your husband, and in the middle of the act freak out without warning. 

What To Do –  If you don’t feel safe then Stop! Stop the sex. Stop the intimacy. And have clear communication with your partner about what you’re feeling, and what you need to feel safe and comfortable. 

How you move through it is to learn to trust yourself again, and to set sexual boundaries with your partner that allow your body and your nervous system to feel honored in the moment.

So listen to your gut.

Honor your body.

Set your boundaries.

And give yourself so much grace as you work through your responses.

You WILL trust yourself again.

You’ve got this.

Check out my article Normalizing Sexual Responses to Relational Trauma to help you understand how to navigate your feelings around sex after betrayal.

4

Spiritual Trauma

Betrayal can rock your faith right to its core. And it doesn’t have to be religious faith. It can be the kind of faith you have in love, relationships, or even yourself. 

Because when you’re a good person, who does the right things, and does unto others as you would have them do unto you, there’s a pretty clear expectation of what you’re supposed to get in return.

And good girls don’t get lied to, manipulated, and betrayed, right?

When betrayal rattles your faith, it can sometimes bring you closer to God, or spirituality, or your relationship with this beautiful earth, whichever form your celebration of existence takes. 

But often it brings you to your knees and leaves you wondering why you have faith when the institutions you believe in didn’t hold up their end of the bargain. 

It takes work to dismantle the nuances of your faith, examine the blind expectations you have, and rebuild your relationship with your beliefs to fit with your new reality.

What to do – Look for the areas where this dissonance causes discord, and work to reconcile your beliefs with reality. It’ll take some time and you’ll have to let go of a few assumptions, but you’ll be much clearer on how you see things when you’re done. 

And this work doesn’t just apply to your relationship. Overall life can get better if you take the time to inventory the stories you tell yourself and the beliefs you’ve never questioned.

This is when you get to reevaluate who you are, what you believe, and what your place in the world is. 

Reframe Time!

Love addiction + codependency are often the *wrong* labels

If you’re here because you’ve joined your partner’s treatment for the behavior that led to your betrayal, then you’ve probably found yourself on the receiving end of labels like ‘love addict’ or ‘codependent enabler.’ 

Like you were somehow responsible for the choices and actions of your partner. #ItWasNeverAboutYou

But in reality, the trauma of their betrayal is the direct cause of your behavior. 

Yes, PTSD symptoms can masquerade as codependency and love addiction.

But they’re completely different things, requiring profoundly different treatment and support. 

The first goal of trauma recovery should and must be to improve your quality of life on a daily basis. And I’d say you’ve nailed it, sister!

And now that you’ve done the work to tame your nervous system and build safety in your own skin, you can start to take stock of the outside factors in your life that have a large bearing on the Big Question — To stay, or to go?

That’s right, now that you’re safe, it’s time to peek your head out from under the covers and take a close look at the monsters that live under the bed. 

The ones that were born inside you, nurtured by your family of origin, and shaped by the society in which you live. 

They don’t care if one of your feet comes untucked to hang over the edge of the bed in the middle of the night because they’ve already got a direct line into your inner monologue.

But don’t lose hope, because salvation is here with a map to help you assess your values and build a future around them, so you can reclaim your beautiful, sexy life and learn to live (and love) wholeheartedly again!

If you find it difficult to make a healthy decision for your safety, happiness, and overall wellbeing…

If you have an internal dialogue that sounds an awful lot like your mother’s voice… 

…don’t worry, I have got you, beauty!  

There is light at the end of the tunnel. 

Those thoughts and stories don’t need to be the soundtrack of the rest of your life. (Speakin’ of soundtracks, keep reading for an epic playlist to help you dance away that tired old tape!)

Because you can overcome your betrayal trauma!

And I’m going to give you the tools to help you rediscover your beautiful life after betrayal and trauma.

But first, let’s take a look at why you feel such conflict…

This is all a very normal part of the process of overcoming trauma.

When you found out about the betrayal in your relationship, you probably felt like the world was ripped from under your feet. And you suddenly didn’t know what your future was going to look like. 

Because you found yourself at a crossroads where action needed to happen. You couldn’t ignore what had happened, and it changed everything.

And suddenly you found yourself with The Clash playing on repeat in your head. 

“Should I stay or should I go now?”

So why is it so hard to answer that question?

(If I go there could be trouble, An’ if I stay it will be double.)

Here are some Resources curated specifically for you, to help on your journey to find Beauty After Betrayal

• 4 Ways To Trust Yourself Again Regain your certainty in your decisions by learning about the things that form your intuition
• Should I Stay Or Should I Go Learn about why you might be having trouble making this very important decision.
• Why More Matters Reach for what your heart and soul desires once you learn why you need to ask for more!

What’s the next step on your journey to reclaim your beautiful life after betrayal?

Now that you’re a member of my community, you can look forward to learning more about the next stages of your transformative journey, as well as all the support you need to move past betrayal trauma and make your big sexy comeback! 

It isn’t going to be easy, but it’s Ok! You can do hard things!

Keep your heart open and your eye on your inbox, where I’ll be sending you one section from…

The Beauty After Betrayal Workbook:

The Sacred Journey toward Reclaiming and Rediscovering You

The Beauty After Betrayal Workbook is the companion to the my six-month, private coaching and mentorship program or the woman who is tired of over-functioning, over-giving and ready to navigating the sacred journey back to her heart and soul desires. Filled with worksheets and journal prompts , this is the guide you’ve been waiting for.