THE RESULTS ARE IN:

You are a Searching Spirit

You’re pretty happy in your life and your love… but a couple of those quiz answers might have hit your spidey sense a teensy weensy bit! 

Just in case you’re feeling left out, don’t worry! Even if you haven’t been betrayed in love, trauma crops up in life in lots of insidious ways

?

Get ready to learn all about trauma and it’s fun nuance!

👇 Check the video below to get a quick overview of your results 👇

There’s a saying that by the time you ask a question, you already know the answer.

You’re here because you know something doesn’t feel right – maybe you even suspect it’s somewhere over the horizon.

You’ve heard of gaslighting, and you can’t be quite certain, but you might have gotten a whiff of something a little unsavory the last time you had to confront your fella about something.

And sometimes your body acts a little strangely, feeling tight but you’re not sure why. 

And there’s a bit of a disconnect between who you think you should be, and who the world thinks you should be.

You just might be in the right place!

Because even if everything is peachy keen in your world, you know that change is constant, and there’s no harm in hoping for the best but preparing for anything that’s possible.

Because you’ve seen the lives of friends and loved ones rocked by betrayal, and even if it never happens to you, you’d like to have a better perspective on that old monster. 

The phrase ‘trauma informed’ has popped up on some of your self-help Insta feeds, and you’re curious about what it means, so why not take a fun quiz about it?

But then a couple of the quiz questions felt a little close to home… #yikes

Because you don’t have to be betrayed by someone you love to experience trauma. 

Even something as seemingly small-scale as public shame can leave scars that scream at you when you least expect it.

And when your fight or flight response is triggered in a stressful situation, your body doesn’t care if it was because of heartbreak,  violated boundaries, or just the existential pain of being a woman in the 21st century. #ImNotScreamingYoureScreamin 

The truth is, nobody – and I mean nobody – made it through childhood without at least a little bit of trauma. And sometimes that can hugely impact your adult life.

It’s never a bad idea to take stock of your life and question some of the beliefs and institutions that hold your faith. 

And while trauma is nobody’s idea of a picnic, it does have the added advantage of showing you the places where you could use a little developmental work.

The most important thing, though — is the relationship you have with yourself. 

And there’s no time like the present to shine a light on all your cracks and tender bits.

To remember, reconcile, and reconnoiter. To uncover your radiance.

So if you’ve ever felt like you’ve been programmed counterintuitively to your nature — know this now: 

There’s nothing wrong with you

You’re just a person who’s become self-aware enough to question their core values, and assess what really matters to them.

And you’re curious enough to learn about a universally common human condition — that bitch we call trauma. 

And you’ll get a chance to reconnect with your intuition, because where trauma plays, the spidey senses tingle, sister! 

Your reality is true, valid, and worth honoring!

Throughout the process, you’ll learn to love and trust yourself even more, and believe me, you couldn’t give yourself a better gift!

Betrayal isn’t always blatant. Trauma isn’t always obvious. 

But healing is ALWAYS possible. 

If you’re asking yourself…

“What the heck is trauma, anyways?”

“How do you know if you don’t trust yourself?”

“Am I living and loving as wholeheartedly as I can?” 

“What really actually matters to me?!”

If you’re wondering if there’s a way to bypass trauma and take a shortcut to enlightenment…

You are in the perfect place to explore what’s really important to you, and what you want in your future. This is a safe space for you.

Pour yourself a cup of coffee, get cozy in your favorite chair, and get ready to examine your feminine power so you can step into your most beautiful and fulfilling life – with or without betrayal trauma.

Because, Girl, just being alive is traumatic.

And it’s SO important that you feel like you’ve got your own back when life throws you a curve ball.

Your quiz results will help you tap into…

⇒  An answer to the question: What is Betrayal Trauma? And an overview of the 5 types of trauma that affect your life. 

What your core values are and how to use them to weigh your decisions

⇒ Insight into how boundaries rebuild the foundation for safety and self-trust. Boundaries are about to become your bff, girlfriend! 

⇒A deeper understanding of the Stages of Healing

A way to look at any trauma as a gift – a gateway into your soul that you wouldn’t be able to access without it.

⇒ Plus you’ll also discover the solace, sisterhood, and support available to women recovering from trauma — you know, just in case you ever need it. 😉

(Not gonna lie, you’re probably gonna wanna Bookmark this page. Or, better yet, print it out, cuz these resources are something you’re going to want to come back to again and again!)

No joke, this quiz result is so jam-packed with knowledge, resources, and mind expanding insights — based on years of research, my own experience with betrayal trauma, and the community of amazing women I connected with (all experts in their fields) on my own journey through recovering from betrayal trauma to building the beautiful life I have today!

Saying yes to this journey will draw you into the depths of yourSelf so that you can you emerge a trauma-informed badass  — like the heroine in the greatest story ever told 

(^^that’s your story, love 💝). 

You’re the firebird, and you will Rise. 

As someone who has been through betrayal trauma myself and helped hundreds of women to do the same —  I have got your back as you delve into yourself, just for shits and giggles. 

A life that you love (more than you may even be able to imagine right now) is the gift on the other side of this, sister!

Let’s move forward with love and grace — because the time to free yourself is now.

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”

― Mary Oliver

First things first:
You can trust yourself

Even though you haven’t had to test yourself in the Fires of Mount Doom aka Romantic Betrayal, it doesn’t mean it’s not a good time to do a little self-inventory …

You check a lot of boxes right now, sister: 

✅ You feel conflict between your family’s values and the ones that fit your lifestyle.

✅ You’ve been guilty of missing red flags in relationships before 

✅ You’re pretty sure you’ve been gaslit at least once, and it felt pretty icky.

✅ Your trust has been betrayed before, and it sometimes still irks you so you’d like to work through it.

✅ You think boundaries sound neat and would like to get some of your very own

You’re not currently in any state of turmoil, but don’t worry, you’ll agitate your insides a bit as you delve into what it takes to pull yourself out of a trauma trap if you ever find yourself in some!

The Path to Recovery

May be a long and windy road, but join me on the journey past your preconceived ideas about relationships, through the Valley of the Traumatized Nervous System, and up the steep trail of Mount LoveThyself!

Stages of Trauma Recovery

👉YOU ARE SOMEWHERE OVER HERE!👈

1

Awakening Warrior

This is where you tell your nervous system to simmer the hell down, now! So you can properly process the pain points as they percolate when you’re under pressure. 

Boundaries, grounding exercises, and self-soothing are your friends now, so get cozy and prepare to dive in!

2

Rising Beauty

Here’s where you can begin embodied storytelling, to take back control of your life and learn to love yourself with wholehearted abandon!

Say goodbye forever to your relationships as it was, and look forward with excitement as you redefine what it means to live, laugh, and eventually love again.

3

Comeback Queen

This is when you say Holy F, Yes! I am healed, I am whole, and I am ready to reclaim my power and sexuality as a strong woman with a beautiful story waiting to unfold!

Because a woman who truly knows herself and understands what she’s capable of is an unstoppable, powerful, force of grace and beauty!

👉OR MAYBE EVEN HERE!👈

Based on your responses, you’re here to satisfy your own curiosity and love of internet rabbit holes. Bonus if you can apply what you learn later in life!

But that doesn’t mean you can’t peek ahead to see what’s in store for you if your curiosity should ever take on a clinical nature. 

Check out the results for the other Stages of Recovering from Betrayal Trauma.

👉JUST KIDDING, YOU’RE PROBABLY HERE!👈

Let’s set the story straight:
What is Betrayal Trauma?

The symptoms of PTSD and complex trauma are long and depressing, but they can be summed up beautifully in one word – contraction.

When a person or institution you relied upon for safety and security betrays you, that creates a type of trauma.

In the case of relational trauma, when the person who’s been your person has been lying, gaslighting, and emotionally abusing you all of your relationships become impacted. 

And that trauma gets stored in your body.

It can look like:

  • hypervigilance
  • over-the-top reactions
  • emotional breakdowns when you least expect them 

Because with trauma comes a feeling of no control. 

Your body hijacks your nervous system when you least expect it, and you’re left feeling like your safety harness has come undone on a rollercoaster.

Your gut tightens. Your throat closes. Your fists clench. Even your poor little butthole probably puckers up like a raisin left out in the sun. And everything else gets in on the party. Your lungs push out the air you suddenly desperately need, and it’s a struggle to take more in. Your sweat glands start working overtime to push out your stress. And your brain reacts like it’s been thrown into a pressure cooker. 

All because somebody that you love and trust has violated your most sacred boundaries, and left you holding a mixed bag of emotions and trauma responses that nothing in life has prepared you for. 

And it can get even more confusing if you’ve decided to stay and work through the betrayal, because even though your modern, liberal feminist beliefs told you you’d walk, immediately, if anyone ever hurt you like this — you’re still torn.

With all that confusion, you can’t help but wonder — will things ever get better?

Because somehow you feel like there’s no way you could have ended up here without seeing it coming.

That’s the weird little guilt sandwich that society feeds us. 

How could you have been so foolish? 

Like you were somehow responsible, even in some small way.

That’s some messed up mental fuckery, my friend! 

Because the people with the power to rock you like this can only do it because they mean so much to you – and why would you want to mistrust them? 

At the risk of sounding like a comic book writer…

Let's Get "Multidimensional”

The Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model 0r MPTM developed by the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists or APSATS (it's a mouthful, I know), clearly outlines 5 different types of trauma unique to people who have been betrayed in a cherished relationship.

The 5 Sneaky Types of Betrayal Trauma

…and how they can really eff with your relationships

The umbrella of Trauma covers a very nuanced set of trickle-down issues that can be insidious in your everyday life. 

The first stage of healing is awareness, so let’s give you some insight to help you recognize these tricky trauma types if they ever trip you up.

1

Relational Trauma

When the person that you love, trust, and rely on more than anyone else reveals that they were lying and cheating throughout your relationship, it seriously impacts all of your relationships. 

For instance, it’s normal for your kids to not tell you everything (and even occasionally feed you a white lie.) 

But even casual dishonesty can trigger your greater trauma when deceit was the root cause. 

When you uncover that deception, you can be triggered, thrown into a nervous system overload, and end up a yelling, over-reactive mama-mess. 

And guess what? You damage your relationship with your kids, who deserve better than that. 

What To DoRegulate your own reactions and remember that not every relationship is built on lies and manipulation.

Recognize your nervous system response and practice grounding exercises until you’re back to normal levels and feel safe again, then have an open conversation with your loved one about how they violated your boundaries and hurt you. 

Check out my Meditation Garden for mantras and meditations to help when you’re triggered and don’t want to alienate a loved one.

2

Sexual Trauma

The sexual repercussions of being betrayed can be polarizing. 

Some people become almost phobic about it, avoiding sex and personal touch, and can be triggered by the connection and vulnerability that comes with physical intimacy. 

Others become hypersexual, hunting through Tinder and Bumble, trying to regain confidence and work through the negative energy stored in their bodies with some good old fashioned horizontal cardio.

It’s completely normal for you to develop self-confidence issues as you compare yourself to women in porn – or the woman they cheated with – and find imagined inadequacies to layer over the self-doubt that came fast on the heels of the initial betrayal. 

You can even be caught completely off guard, trying to enjoy some sexy time with someone new, or rekindle the spark with your husband, and in the middle of the act freak out without warning. 

What To Do – Stop! Stop the sex. Stop the intimacy. And have clear communication with your partner about what you’re feeling, and what you need to feel safe and comfortable. 

How you move through it is to learn to trust yourself again, and to set sexual boundaries with your partner that allow your body and your nervous system to feel honored in the moment.

So listen to your gut.

Honor your body.

Set your boundaries.

And give yourself so much grace as you work through your responses.

You WILL trust yourself again.

You’ve got this.

Check out my article Normalizing Sexual Responses to Relational Trauma to help you understand how to navigate your feelings around sex after betrayal.

3

Existential Trauma

You can get stuck in a cycle of cognitive dissonance when you find out what you believed to be true about your partner is, in fact, a lie.

Suddenly, you might start distrusting everything that you thought you knew, and get thrown into a conflict with yourself that you never expected. 

When you have to ask yourself the tough question of ‘Should I stay or should I go?’ and you find yourself answering differently than your younger, more naive self would have. 

When “Girl, leave his lying ass” meets “But I love him!” you have to take a hard look at your values, and resolve the conflict you find within. 

Do you love your man more than you love your feminist ideology? 

Do you believe that working through it honors your values more than walking away? 

This changes your conflict from you vs. him, to you vs. your old beliefs and understanding of relationships, and how you might behave contrary to how you always thought you would.  

It’s easy to say that you’ll never love someone who could betray you – until you find yourself in love with a cheater. #yikes

Only YOU can make this call, not your friends, your family, or the you who thought she knew exactly what she’d do before she was ever betrayed. 

What To Do – Closely examine what’s truly important to you, and align your actions to those values. If nurturing your relationship is more important than letting down your college girl ideologies, then hunker down for the hard work. 

If cutting loose to rediscover your beautiful life after betrayal on your own terms is your path, then put your best foot forward, solo.

Don’t worry if this all sounds like a lot to tackle. You’re part of my community now and I’m going to help you determine your core values, and how to build safety and boundaries around those values. 

So you can reclaim your life and energy for the things your heart and soul truly desire.

4

Spiritual Trauma

Betrayal can rock your faith right to its core. And it doesn’t have to be religious faith. It can be the kind of faith you have in love, relationships, or even yourself. 

Because when you’re a good person, who does the right things, and does unto others as you would have them do unto you, there’s a pretty clear expectation of what you’re supposed to get in return.

And good girls don’t get lied to, manipulated, and betrayed, right?

When betrayal rattles your faith, it can sometimes bring you closer to God, or spirituality, or your relationship with this beautiful earth, whichever form your celebration of existence takes. 

But often it brings you to your knees and leaves you wondering why you have faith when the institutions you believe in didn’t hold up their end of the bargain. 

It takes work to dismantle the nuances of your faith, examine the blind expectations you have, and rebuild your relationship with your beliefs to fit with your new reality.

What to do – Look for the areas where this dissonance causes discord, and work to reconcile your beliefs with reality. It’ll take some time and you’ll have to let go of a few assumptions, but you’ll be much clearer on how you see things when you’re done. 

And this work doesn’t just apply to your relationship. Overall life can get better if you take the time to inventory the stories you tell yourself and the beliefs you’ve never questioned.

This is when you get to reevaluate who you are, what you believe, and what your place in the world is. 

Four Ways to Trust Yourself Again.

1. Your Boundaries

As women, we aren’t taught to keep boundaries. We’re taught to make concessions.

But boundaries are there to keep you safe, and your most important boundaries are the ones we have for ourselves. Only you know what you need to feel safe.

Honoring our boundaries is how you teach yourself that you are trustworthy.

2. Your Voice

Using your voice is how you set and maintain your boundaries. 

The most basic step of voicing boundaries is to say no when you want to say no, and yes when you want to say yes! 

3. Your Intuition

Trust your intuition. 

It’s made up of the Holy Trinity of Brain, Heart, and Guts. If any of these triplets are in disagreement, you’ll feel it as discord in your resonance.  

Listen to that harsh note and take heed! Work to bring them into alignment, and you’ll be able to trust the feeling when your intuition rings out in harmony.

4. Your Body

Body is different from intuition, although they can work together. 

When you’re faced with a trigger, take notice of  whether your body is expanding, softening, and open to receiving – or contracting, pulling back, or stiffening. 

When you pay attention to the silent (and sometimes not so silent, I’m looking at you nervous bloating) signals your body is throwing out, you’ll learn to trust yourself again.

5

Treatment-Induced Trauma

When you’ve been betrayed in a relationship, and your partner enters a treatment program to address his issues (praise Jesus), you’re often taken along for the ride, cuz you need support, too! 

But his treatment is completely different from what you need to heal and embrace your most beautiful life. His therapist will try to uncover the root causes of his betrayal, but you need to deal with the trauma his betrayal has caused you.

So when his support group starts labeling you with hurtful and confusing terms like ‘love addict’ and ‘codependent enabler,’ – even though your behaviors are actually triggered by the trauma of finding out your relationship was based on lies and betrayal – it can really eff you up. 

Getting help from people who aren’t trauma informed and trained to deal with the fallout of betrayal, no matter how well-meaning, can result in completely unhelpful advice, like “just go home and have more sex with him, that should fix things!”

Your experience can be discounted, your trauma trivialized, and somehow you can feel like you’re at fault.

But you aren’t to blame!

Unfortunately, you could also be experiencing this after speaking to your pastor or priest or other members of your religious community. They might try to tell you that it is somehow your fault. But you aren’t to blame!

What to do –  Maybe ditch the pastor pep talks, hit pause on confiding in your friends, and seek out a trauma informed therapist to support you. Otherwise you risk compounding your trauma every time you try to heal your pain.

Reframe Time!

Love addiction + codependency are often the *wrong* labels

If you’re here because you’ve heard about Sex Addiction or another realtionship harming problem, and are curious about it, then you’ve probably heard of labels like ‘love addict’ or ‘codependant enabler.’ 

Like the victims of betrayal were somehow responsible for the choices and actions of their partner. #ItWasNeverAboutYou

But in reality, the trauma of their betrayal is the direct cause of your behavior. 

Yes, PTSD symptoms can masquerade as codependency and love addiction.

But they’re completely different things, requiring profoundly different treatment and support. 

Go tell all your friends!

Not so fun fact:

Women who are traumatically betrayed in their love will go back to the relationship an average of 5 times before they do the work to get free.

*You probably shouldn’t bring this one up at parties.*

If you want to learn more about how to make healthy decisions for your safety, happiness, and overall wellbeing…

If you have an internal dialogue that sounds an awful lot like your mother’s voice… 

…don’t worry, I have got you, beauty!  

There is light at the end of the tunnel. 

Those thoughts and stories don’t need to be the soundtrack of the rest of your life. (Speakin’ of soundtracks, keep reading for an epic playlist to help you dance away that tired old tape!)

Because if it ever happens to you, you can overcome trauma and learn to trust yourself again!

✨ Introducing: Somatic Resilience ✨

(⬆️ Aka your new superpower, sister!)

The first big step when dealing with any kind of trauma is to nurture Somatic Resilience – or heal your heightened nervous system to a place where you feel safe.

Where you feel good in your body and you can be present. 

These tools and practices will help you get your nervous system back online faster (especially when you’re triggered) – no matter how out of control you feel in the moment.

How to nurture your somatic resilience like a self-love warrior

These sensory experience exercises will help you rein in your racing nerves and regain control of your reactions, so you can finally feel like yourself again.

1. Countdown to cool it down 😎

In this short and simple meditation, you’ll connect with each of your five senses in order to come home to your body and the present moment.

Use this anytime you feel triggered, anxious or overwhelmed 💖

What you’ll need:

Be sure to have an item or items near you that will allow you to use your sense of sight, touch, sound, smell and taste.

Hint: create your very own sacred space dedicated to your meditation practice filled with cherished items that make you feel safe and loved. 

Let’s dive in!

Take a comfortable seat with erect posture, and breath deep into the core of your body. 

Start with a couple of deep breaths with a bit of a humming exhalation.

Then open your eyes and notice: 

5 things you can see

Tick them off in your head, one by one. 

Deep breath.

4 things you can touch. 

What can you feel with your hands, under your feet, on your skin, under your bum. 

Deep breath. 

3 things you can hear. 

The buzz of the a/c. Birds outside. Traffic. 

Deep Breath.

2 things you can smell. 

Maybe you’ve prepped with an essential oil or you have your favorite lotion on.

Deep breath.

1 thing you can taste. 

I like to keep a piece of dark chocolate ready for this one, it’s earthiness grounds me. 

Deep breath.

Check out my Meditation Garden for other helpful guided meditations to guide you to safety in your body. 

2. Inner Compass

When you go through periods of trauma, like when you’re betrayed by your partner, the body can store those memories as sensations in your body. 

The result?

Your nervous system can misfire, leaving you either hypervigilant or disassociated when under moments of stress. 

Think rapid speech and verbal vomit, or blanked-out loss of focus. 

Unfortunately, that storage and those feelings can really throw off your Inner Compass, or your natural intuition. 

But don’t worry, there’s a way to retrain your Compass so it can guide you through your moments of panic and reaction. 

By grounding yourself in your body and it’s sensations, you can reset your nervous system and bring yourself back from the edge of anxiety.

Sounds seriously soothing, right?

But *be careful* when you come across an area that feels like it’s storage is at critical mass. You could feel sharp pain, or uncomfortable pressure, and nobody wants that.

The key is to be *so* gentle. 

Move your attention to a space that feels safe and comfortable instead, and save those painful areas for a time when you’re not already in a heightened state. 

This is about grounding, not exploration, so keep your feet on the ground, Amelia. 

Set Your Inner Compass

Your body wears its pain in a map; you just need to learn how to read it

Feelings & Sensations

Emotions, pain, pressure, air, tingling, itchiness


Environment & Temperature

Temperature, size, weight, shape, movement & motion, speed, texture, color


Inner Sensations

Body posture, sounds, taste buds, smell, emptiness, hunger

Slow down and notice if there are any specific sensations, movements, or emotions that resonate in any particular body part. Or if there’s an overall theme surrounding you now, like tense, congested, or even constipated. 

Pick 3-5 descriptors and journal about them. 

Tracking these things will help you process when it’s time to return and examine them again. 

Think of this journal as your field notes.

Just by taking a few moments to check in with your body, your nervous system can feel seen and heard. This ushers in deeper levels of safety.

The mind body connection is NO JOKE. It’s seriously one of your biggest friends right now. 

Because underneath it all, your body is an ally. A hidden continent waiting to reveal her hidden landscapes once again as you lavish her with attention. 

*Bonus Exercise*

Nothing gets you grounded better than a great song and a boogie! 

So put on something with a bass beat to connect your feet to the noise, and get your earthly vessel shakin’! 

Move your limbs and shake out the itchy restlessness of your hypervigilant nervous system.

 Teaser: there may or may not be a playlist coming with songs to help you deal with your heartache.

You’re welcome, wonderful one 💃

3. Go Sensory

One of the best ways to reclaim and rebuild somatic resilience is to engage in sensory gluttony.

Nope, I’m not joking!
Your mission?

Feed your body using as many senses as you can!

Surround yourself with things you enjoy feeling, to bring your body from panic back to pleasure. 

It’s a sensory feast and you’re the honored guest!

Think sense decadence:

  • 🛀 Bubble baths with calming music and lavender oils
  • 🧦 Wear your favorite cozy socks and fuzzy scarf
  • 🌅 Look at beauty, like sunsets and oceanscapes
  • 📱Phone a friend and listen to their voice
  • 🥓 Eat the bacon
  • 🤣 Find the laughter 

Always remember:

You have a right to ask for what you need to feel safe. Take everything at your own pace and comfort level.

Move your attention to a space that feels safe and comfortable instead, and save those painful areas for a time when you’re not already in a heightened state. 

Here’s a Bonus Somatic exercise to help you love feeling pleasure in your body.

5 Sensual Pleasures Meditation

I want to start developing your Daily Pleasures Diet!

Meaning, our bodies need to experience pleasure on the regular. 

To begin, gather one item that will feed each of your five senses with pleasure.

Sit somewhere cozy and safe

Focus on a pretty thing

Listen to pleasing sounds

Inhale a soothing scent

Caress a soft fabric

Taste a delicious treat

 

Give yourself a couple minutes with each sensation, and repeat whenever you feel the need for a sensory pleasure bath. 

The more that you retrain your body to revel in pleasurable sensations, the closer you will be to accepting pleasure in other ways. *wink, wink*

Maybe you’re curious…

Who’s the wild woman behind this truth-telling quiz?

I’m Jenni Rochelle, founder of Beauty after Betrayal.

With me in your corner, you’ll get resources you can reference any time and someone that can really hold space for you where other approaches fell flat (because the truth is — betrayal trauma is widely misunderstood)

Hey, Beauty!

I’m Jenni and I am the Queen of Intimacy. As a coach and mentor for smart, successful women who desire to create conscious intimate connections, I have helped hundreds of women reconnect with themselves, their bodies and their beloveds.

With a Masters in Spiritual Formation, I awaken women to their birthright of sexual freedom and, as a survivor of abuse, I am also a thought leader in the field of betrayal trauma. My podcast, Beauty After Betrayal, has helped thousands of women heal with hope and rise. 

Inspired by my clients and informed by my own journey, my work is focused on mentoring women to get out of their heads and into their bodies, in order to shift their relationship to pleasure, sex and intimacy. 

I am a certified life coach trained according to the Multi-Dimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM) developed by the Association of Partners of Sex Addiction Trauma Specialists (APSATS). 

I am also also a poet, a wife, a boy mom and a mystic who loves butter, coffee, bacon, traveling and pugs. 

 

I can help, because I’m a Survivor of Betrayal Trauma

My first D-Day (aka Discovery Day) was in November 2012.

It was a doozy.

There were police involved.

I was at an all-time low, showing up to the police station with a sick baby and a vomit-covered Sock Monkey T-shirt.

But you know what? I didn’t even think about leaving! Not for a second.

I knew he was a sex addict, but I didn’t know what that meant.

I had no idea how, or who, to even ask for help – and I had already been in therapy for years!

Fast forward 3 years and another Discover Day of even more transgressions, and I had to face the facts about the man I was married to and our future together – or as it turns out, apart.

3 years of looking for support. 3 years to build the community I needed to support me as I walked through the desert of betrayal trauma and recovery.

I looked for anyone who could tell me whether to stay or go, and if my kids were safe if I stayed.

I so desperately wanted someone to tell me what to do.

It took a lot of work before I realized that I was the only one who could do the work and make that decision.

Luckily it only took me a little bit longer to realize that I didn’t have to do it alone.

The year before I filed for divorce, and the year after, were the darkest years of my life.

Those years were also the rich, fertile soil in which I planted the seeds for the most fulfilling love story of my life – the love I found for myself.

My Big, Beautiful, Sexy Life After Betrayal

My true transformation came in those dark moments when I wanted to go back (and tried to several times), but slowly learned how to do the deep, inner work that set me free from my past and set me up to become the woman I am today.

That was how I became the architect of my own comeback moment.

These days I openly embrace my right to great sex, big love and a healthy, beautiful life…even after betrayal.

I am outrageously, happily remarried to a man who could have written the book on how to love me – for the first time in my life.

More importantly, I have come to believe that I am worthy of such love and can actually receive it!

Your Own Big Sexy Comeback

What I most want you to know is that this is now your story. This is no longer about changing him or saving him. This is about saving you.

This is your comeback moment when you are standing at the crossroads, ready to make that big, life-changing decision.

This moment – is all about you.

I would be so honored to be a part of it.

Let’s get started,

Jenni

Here are some Resources curated specifically for you, to help on your journey to find Beauty After Betrayal

Checkout these podcast episodes:

Prefer to read your words of wisdom?

Check out this helpful Love Letter blog post, We Have To Save Ourselves, an open letter to women to be their own saviors, because we are powerful vessels of change.

Need a Playlist to Soothe your Nervous System?

Here’s a specially curated list of songs about love, betrayal, heartbreak, and moving on.

    1. Jesus, etc. – Wilco
    2. Heart Shaped Box – Nirvana
    3. How To Fight Loneliness – Wilco
    4. You Oughta Know – Alanis Morisette
    5. You Didn’t Kiss Me – Marry Me Jane
    6. Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby – Cigarettes After Sex
    7. You Are My Face – Wilco
    8. Sandcastles – Beyonce
    9. Jar of Hearts – Christina Perry
    10. Take A Bow – Rihanna
    11. How Do You Sleep – LCD Soundsystem
    12. Smile – Lily Allen
    13. Survivor – Destiny’s Child
    14. Love Is Everywhere (Beware) – Wilco
    15. Moving On Up – M People
    16. Break My Stride – Chateau Pop
    17. I Can See Clearly Now – Johnny Nash
    18. Soul Sister – Mamuse
    19. Yemaya – Mirabai Ceiba
    20. I’m Every Woman – Chaka Khan
    21. The Chain – Kerala Dust
    22. Heart-Shaped Box – Amber Mark
    23. Goddess Code – Lizzy Jeff

What’s the next step on your journey to reclaim your beautiful life?

After years of guiding women through betrayal, I’ve come to understand that almost ALL women are walking about with negative beliefs and shame about sex, pleasure and desire. 

I truly believe that a woman’s thriving is limited by her ability to connect with her body and her ability to understand and express her authentic sexuality. That’s why I’ve begun offering Your Big Sexy Comeback to ALL women – regardless of whether they’ve experienced betrayal trauma.

That’s why I’m asking you to keep your heart open and your eye on your inbox, where I’ll be sending you one section from…

The Big Sexy Playbook: 

Your Guide to Big Love, Great Sex and a Pleasure Full Life!

The Big Sexy Playbook is the companion to Your Big Sexy Comeback …a 12-week course  designed to empower all women to shed negative beliefs about sex, pleasure and desire in order to transcend and transform into a a royal Comeback Queen!

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