If you’re reading this, it’s likely that your ex/ soon-to-be ex/ almost ex/ definitely ex has betrayed you. I know that what you’re dealing with is traumatic and life-changing. And my heart goes out to you. Deeply.
My goal in life is to work with women like you, and help you heal.
I want you to know that it is okay for you to want this big, audacious, wonderful, beautiful life, even though this horrible thing has happened to you. It’s still totally possible.
This week I’m here to share with you:
The 5 lies that keep us stuck in life and love.
Whenever you find yourself stuck in a place of fear, doubt, pain, shame… or whenever you find yourself making concessions in your relationships (settling, rationalizing, self-gaslighting)… you are probably unconsciously operating under one of these 5 lies. And really, most of these lies are rooted in fear — these fundamental fears that we all have as human beings.
But these fears and lies we tell ourselves KEEP US STUCK.
They keep us in that toxic relationship past the point where we know we need to get out, or talk us into staying.
- They enable us to rationalize bad behavior — toxic, narcissistic, abusive behavior.
- And then there’s the gaslighting we do to ourselves!
- So learning to recognize when we are stuck in that energy, and buying into one these lies, can be an absolute GAME CHANGER!
Lie #1: There’s Something Wrong with Me
This is a big one for women who have experienced betrayal trauma, especially those of us who were married to sex addicts.
“Why did I pick them?”
“I must be fundamentally broken.”
“What happened to me in my family of origin?”
“There must be something wrong with me.”
I’ll just say right now, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken! Yes you still need work, and self-reflection, and self-awareness – that’s true. But that’s 100% what I do with all my clients, from a super-loving, self-compassionate place.
Lie #2: I Am Not Enough
This is a huge one. Self-worth and self-love are so important when you’re reclaiming your life, especially if you’re putting yourself out there again with dating. Getting online, and feeling sexy and good about yourself again — you want to be oozing self-confidence, right?
A huge part of believing that you’re worthy, is believing there’s someone that’s worthy of you. Can you see that connection? It all comes back to how we feel about ourselves.
Lie #3: It’s Gonna Be Bad
What does “bad” even mean? It’s this big sort of nebulous word, isn’t it? “BAD”.
When we think about leaving, and going through the process of the divorce — it can be super overwhelming. Or when we think about dating. Online dating. Moving on. Having sex with someone else.
These are huge things to navigate, and it’s important to work through your beliefs around them.
Lie #4: It’s Gonna Hurt
Here’s the thing… you’re already hurting. You’re hurting right now. You’re hurting in your relationship. And these beliefs that you’re living under — they could be hurting you too.
Lie #5: I’m Going To Be Alone
This lie is one of the main reasons why this concept is such a huge influence in my own life, and in my own journey. I left my ex-husband, who was a sex addict. And I left… well, I don’t even know how many times I left. (There’s some statistics about how many times it takes to leave an abusive relationship… it’s like 5 times.)
If you’re caught in this cycle of leaving and coming back, but you know that leaving is truly the right thing for you — ask yourself, “Which one of these lies am I operating under?”
When I left my ex, I was in my mid-forties, and it was my third divorce. I was a single mom of three kids. Part of me believed “Who’s going to want to be with me??”
I felt that choosing to leave my ex meant that I was also choosing to be alone for the rest of my life.
I had this amazing therapist who basically called me out on that bullshit. She said, “Don’t do that. You’re giving him too much power.”
I had to dig deep and do the work to know myself, love myself, and trust myself to make good decisions.
I had to learn that there was nothing wrong with me and that I am more than enough.
Listen, there are going to be moments where it’s bad. The process that you’re walking through is going to be uncomfortable. It’s going to push you.
But know this — you’re already awake. You’re “woke”, as they say.
His betrayal of you, and the trauma that you’re dealing with, has forced you to wake up.
And now you have this opportunity to claim your comeback, reclaim who you are, and dive deep into the work that you want to do. You get to KNOW yourself… to LOVE who you are… to BE who you are!
Yes, it will hurt sometimes. There will be moments when you feel heartbreak and grief. But it’s not the feelings themselves that make you stuck. It’s how you respond to those feelings that either hold you back or propel you forward.
And you won’t be doing this work alone.
You’re going to meet other women on the path, especially if you come work with me. I’m all about sisterhood and connecting you with other amazing women.
You have to believe there’s MORE for you.
You have to believe in abundance.
And you have to become the whole and healed human that you want to be.
Before you go out and try to find someone to fill what is missing inside of you, remember — they’re just the icing on the cake.
You’re the cake.
You’re the seven-layer beautiful wedding cake with a big, wonderful, gooey chocolate center inside, or whatever your favorite flavor is.
You’re the cake. Don’t ever forget that.