Thanksgiving weekend was the eighth anniversary (or “trauma-versary,” as I like to call it) of the day I discovered my now ex-husband was a sex addict.
As dramatic, life-changing, and shocking as it was, I never thought about leaving him, not for a second. I immediately went into a “clean up the mess and move on” mode.
You could say I was in denial. Sure I was, but I was also traumatized from the pain of discovery along with my unprocessed family of origin trauma. I responded by not wanting to deal with it. Choosing not to understand how much would need to change.
If you’re struggling right now– you don’t know what to do, you can’t decide if you want to stay in your relationship, just know–that’s all part of the process. It takes a long time for a traumatized brain to be able to come to a coherent decision about what to do. It takes a lot of support to get to the clarity of “I’m done and moving on,” or “I’m staying and moving on.”
This moment of clarity is your comeback moment. There’s a point where you realize that stay or go, it’s not about him. It’s about you. Your recovery. Your future, your dreams, your hopes. I was not who I wanted to be when I discovered that my husband was a sex addict. I wasn’t. I had a vision, though, and glimpses of doors opening and things shifting.
It took years from that moment of clarity until I was out of my marriage, divorced, had the clarity I needed. Sometimes I fought hard against my vision. I wasn’t ready to let go of my own coping mechanisms. I knew to dig in and do the deep work to become the woman I wanted to be.
2021 is set to be a big year. In January, I will be launching a brand new private coaching program, Beauty after Betrayal. I have been a seeker my whole life. This will contain all of the juicy, beautiful things that I have done to become the woman I’ve always wanted to be.
After discovering your partner is a sex addict, your life has been leveled straight down to the ground. And now you can rebuild it the way that you want. Beauty after Betrayal is geared for women who have had their moment of clarity. You’re ready to rediscover who you really are, your vision for the future, and you’re prepared to be the love of your life.
2020 has been a tough year for us all. Let’s make 2021 the year of embodiment and beauty.