This week I am covering the Three Myths of Moving On After ___________ (fill in your blank).
Regardless of what you are moving on with your love life after… divorce, betrayal, loss, etc.
These three myths are likely chipping away at your ability to believe that there is always more love for you.
MYTH #1: “There are no good men out there.”
When we are moving on after divorce or a break-up, particularly if there’s been a betrayal, we can come from this place of believing that there are no good men out there or that we’ve used up all our chances for love.
But just like any other kind of mindset work, you can’t allow yourself to get stuck in scarcity. You have to get past all of that to be able to find your person.
You have to work on your mindset when it comes to scarcity. Maybe you’ve heard that same advice about money. Well, guess what? Love and money operate on the same frequency.
So you have to get in this space of believing that there is someone out there for you. You have to believe that there’s always more love for you.
And for me, I chose to believe that I didn’t have to grow old alone if I didn’t want to just because this terrible thing had happened to me with my ex.
#1 secret to busting through this myth?
LOSE THOSE LIMITING BELIEFS!
How do you do that?
By investing in support to coach you through moving on!
MYTH #2: “I’m too codependent.”
Oh, how many times I’ve heard this one! Other versions are “I’m too broken.” Or, my fave, “My picker is broken.”
I actually don’t believe in, or use, the term “codependent” anymore because it pathologizes a certain set of behaviors, as if something is “wrong” with us – this happens especially to women!
We should be asking “What happened to us?” instead of “What’s wrong with us?”
We should be looking at our past experiences through a trauma-informed lens that takes into account that those behaviors were often necessary in our childhood.
When we can identify and examine what we didn’t get as little girls we can stop getting stuck in toxic relationships.
SELF-COMPASSION AND CURIOSITY ARE YOUR TICKETS OUT OF THIS ONE.
You are not too codependent. You are not broken. Your picker is not broken. There is still more love for you.
MYTH #3: “I don’t know if I can ever trust someone again.”
Really, this is just another flavor of Myth #2 because it is actually rooted in our doubts about whether will ever be able to trust ourselves again. Which we can’t as long as we are still buying into the myth that there is something wrong with us.
Indeed, I feel like all of the myths (or lies or fears) that we have about the prospect of moving on after a relationship ends are rooted in this one.
Given everything that happened in our last relationship, how can we ever learn to trust ourselves again? Great Question! I’m SOO glad you asked 🙂
Here’s how you learn to trust yourself and, therefore, someone else:
1. You keep your boundaries.
As women, we aren’t taught to keep boundaries. We’re taught to make concessions. Boundaries are there to keep you safe, and your most important boundaries are the ones we have for ourselves. Only you know what you need to feel safe. Honoring our boundaries is how you teach yourself that you are trustworthy.
2. You use your voice.
Using your voice is how you set and maintain your boundaries. The most basic step of voicing boundaries is to say no when you want to say no and yes when you want to say yes!
3. You trust your intuition.
Trust your intuition. It’s made up of the Holy Trinity of Brain, Heart, and Guts. If any of these triplets are in disagreement, you’ll feel it as sense of uneasiness. Learn to take heed of the unease. Work to bring them into alignment, and you’ll be able to trust the feeling when your intuition rings out in harmony.
4. You listen to your body.
Body is different from intuition, although they can work together. When you’re faced with a trigger, take notice of whether your body is expanding, softening, and open to receiving – or contracting, pulling back, or stiffening. When you pay attention to the subtle signals your body is throwing out, you’ll learn to trust yourself again.
There you have it, beloveds. This is some of the work that I did for myself that empowered me to create the better-than-a-fairy-tale-because-it’s-real life that I have today.
You can have one, too. I BELIEVE IN YOU!
Just remember that I did not fall into this life or have it magically appear. I worked my ass off on myself and invested in LOTS of support. If are ready – finally truly ready – then let me know. Let’s book your free call!
We can start building your better-than-a-fairy-tale life ever after today!