I’m ready to kick off an exciting, BIG writing project that has had me reflecting on my own origin story. As part of this process, I’ve been identifying the moments that are my “five dominoes.” Meaning, what are the five biggest, most life-changing moments that made me the woman I am today.
If you’d asked me six months ago when my origin story began, I would have said the moment that I discovered my ex’s sex addiction. Now, however, I can see that my origin story began much earlier than that. My origin story began the first moment I realized that no one was coming to save me…and that I would have to save myself.
Without going into too many specifics, when I was in middle school I discovered that someone very close to me was harming me and I confided in a caregiver. Instead of believing me and taking steps to protect me, they came up with a lie to make themselves feel better and to stay in denial about the truth.
In that moment I stopped feeling safe.
More importantly, it was the first time I realized that no one was going to save me…but me.
Those early childhood experiences are so crucial to how we end up in these relationships today. These are tje moments in life where you realize nobody else is coming to save you. Not your parents, not your school teachers, not your siblings… and later on in life, not your husband – this person that you have relied on for safety and security.
Anybody outside of yourself ultimately cannot save you.
We have to save ourselves.
When I first started dating my ex, I remember saying that he felt like home to me. After 30 years of not knowing what it felt like to be safe, feeling unsafe had became normal to me and I found myself in a relationship with a sex addict.
When he got arrested, the whole night he was in jail I kept thinking that he would get out own his own. Until the next morning when I learned it wasn’t the first time he’d been in trouble – it was just the first time that I knew about it.
In that moment, a hole opened up in the floor and I started to fall into it. My first thought was, “Holy fuck, I don’t know who I’m married to.” My second thought was, “It’s all up to me to get him out of jail.” I realized I was the person who had save the situation… and me.
Time and time again through my journey, I had to come home to the truth that I’m was going to have to save myself. Nobody else was coming. Nobody else could tell me what to do. Nobody else could save me.
That doesn’t mean I did it alone or that you should either. Because it is in these moments of acceptance that we are finally open to receive the right information and find the right support. Part of saving ourselves means getting the right kind of help because we just can’t always see ourselves clearly.
I have clients that tell me on the regular,
“Jenni, you saved my life.”
And I look at them and say
“No, no, no. YOU saved your life.
I just helped you uncover what you already know to be true:
That you’re worthy. That you’re amazing.
That you can rise like a Phoenix from the ashes.“
If you’re ready to give up waiting to be rescued… waiting for them to call the therapist… or find recovery… or whatever it is that you think you need to do to be the woman you want to be and have the life you want…
If you’re ready to stop looking outside of yourself , dig deep, and do the work yourself, I will have your back because that’s what I do.
Let’s figure out if we can work together. I would love to support you as you do the sacred work of saving your own life.