When your partner has betrayed you, you can spend a lot of time trying to decide if you should stay and work on the relationship, or leave. There is no “right” answer. It just doesn’t exist. No one can tell you whether you should stay or leave.
After a relationship betrayal, remember:
1) there is no “right thing to do” and
2) no one else can decide what you should do for you.
I so wanted someone else to tell me what to do. For months, I searched – therapists, coaches, yoga teachers, friends, family, and, ultimately, for me, lawyers.
In the end, the final decisions, the hardest decisions, the ones I wished to God that I didn’t have to make – were all up to me.
I know. It sucks, right?
Maybe you’re wondering, “If this is all up to me, then why the heck do I need someone like you, Jenni? What good is a coach or a community if they can’t tell me what to do?”
Well, that’s one question I actually can answer for you!
Even though I can’t tell whether you should stay or go, I can support you while you reach that decision on your own. I believe you are totally capable of figuring out for yourself what’s best for you and your family.
My job is to help you tap into your inner wisdom and your heart’s desire to find those answers. I help you shed the beliefs and identify all the ways that your brain and your values might be working against you.
That’s right, your brain and your values might be working against you right now. Which is why you need support and community!
Right now, your brain and your nervous system are working overtime to keep you safe. Your brain is also wired to keep you in a community. Historically, the lack of community meant death.
We literally needed each other to survive. The oldest part of our brain, evolutionarily speaking, will keep us in a relationship that is unsafe for us because it fears that less than isolation.
Your brain is telling your nervous system that leaving your marriage is the equivalent of wandering off in the desert alone. That’s just not true.
The other thing that could be working against you is your values. I know, I know – coaches are supposed to be all about values and living by them, so how can they work against you?
Your values work against you when you have one or more that are in conflict with one another. You probably have armies of values at war right now.
For example, you value commitment, marriage, and family. These deeply held values are pushing you to want to stay married.
On the other hand, you value honesty, trust, and safety. Betrayal and sex addiction violate all of those. Which makes you want to leave.
When you have such deeply held values in conflict with one another, it’s no wonder you can’t decide what the heck to do.
That’s where group coaching comes in! Belonging to a community of women on the same path as you, struggling with conflicting signals from their brains, and conflicting values will be a GAME CHANGER.
If you feel stuck or frozen and you can’t make up your mind, you need more support – YOU NEED COMMUNITY!
The next session of my group coaching program – Two Hearts Coaching – launches THIS FRIDAY, MARCH 6th!
I have partnered with Sarah Morales (who was my own coach and a lifesaver!) to create this 12-week group coaching program. If you’d like more info – don’t hesitate because space is limited. We limit the group to just EIGHT amazing ladies and have just a couple of spots left.
Head over to www.twoheartscoaching.com to reach all about it!
You can listen to a podcast where Sarah and I were interviewed about why we love GROUPS so much. You can also sign up for a free, 15-minute consultation.
I believe that you are fundamentally whole and that there is nothing WRONG with you. I can’t tell you whether to stay or leave your marriage. But I can tell you that group coaching will change your life.
Until next time,
xoxo, Jenni